i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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