So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
