Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
