Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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