turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
