I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
