yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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