Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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