I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
