My room smells like vodka and shame
I skipped work to stalk him.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
