once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So much rum. So many feels.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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