From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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