Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
