He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
