She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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