Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
