What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
