you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
