We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
