Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
