Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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