you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize