White coat. Heels.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
