We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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