That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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