So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
