happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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