Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
