Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
