how hairy? two words: wookie tits
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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