so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
this hospital has no fireball
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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