i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
