if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
