I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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