I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My hand turned me down
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
