I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
