So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
