Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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