so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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