Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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