Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
