I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
