Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
one two three fourrrrnication!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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