She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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