The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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