I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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