His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
