The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
