my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
