hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize