I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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