how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
