I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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