jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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