I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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