Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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