Barsexuality is the new black.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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