she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
