So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
