Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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