She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
