Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
