Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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