Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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