Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
