Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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