I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
