I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
